


Day 12: Crave

by Solas_Dreadwolf



Series: 14 Days of DAlovers2021 [12]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Feels, Avvar Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Cravings, F/M, Mutual Pining, conflicted feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:34:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29564073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solas_Dreadwolf/pseuds/Solas_Dreadwolf
Summary: Solas is questioning his choices, finding himself drawn to Caelan so much that it almost hurts.
Relationships: Avvar/Solas (Dragon Age)
Series: 14 Days of DAlovers2021 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2143869
Kudos: 3





	Day 12: Crave

**Author's Note:**

> I totally forgot to upload the rest of the 14 Days of Dragon Age lovers OS that I wrote on ao3.  
> So here you go for Day 12 :)

He had not intended for it to become this way, had not intended to crave for her like this. Yet, he caught himself glancing at her, greeting her even when she walked through the rotunda when she was on her way to the commander, or when she simply went for a walk on the battlements to catch some fresh air.

It had been like that ever since they meet, holding their first conversation that shaped his fascination for her. A fascination for the way in which she viewed this world, and which was not too different from his own. That was why it was so easy for himself to get lost within their shared conversations. To get lost in her bright eyes even, every small shift of her lips when they opened or shifted into a happy smile. And he couldn’t help but to feel foolish about that as soon as they parted ways again. 

Solas knew that he shouldn’t feel this way towards her, knew that there was a cut that need to be made before he let himself care too much for her or the other people that he slowly grew fond of. If he acknowledged them as real, it meant that the world that was so wrong would gain value, and that was something that he could not risk. He could not risk to care, could not risk abandoning the duty that rested on his shoulders. The longing that he felt for her was out of place, he knew that perfectly well and yet… he could not stop his thoughts to centre about her as if she was a missing piece that completed him. 

There was no way that he could be with her, no way that he should allow himself to crave for her as much as he did. He knew well enough that there was no future to be had, and it was cruel to let her think that it was different. To let her think that they were allowed to be closer than whatever this bond was that they shared for now. 

They had just talked about her spirit friends the night before, talked over the wisdom and loyalty they offered before she was called away again, waving at him before he found himself waving back at her like some lovesick fool. 

He couldn’t help but sometimes wonder if she would understand his duty if he told her, couldn’t help but wonder if she would welcome the fading of the veil as much as he did. And yet, there was a part of him that was afraid of telling her. Afraid of the possibility that she would drive him away, or that she would see him as a monster. 

It was true that she might not know of the Dreadwolf after growing up within the tribe of the Avvar of Stone-Bearhold, but that did not mean that she might not have heard the tale of the large black wolf that brought nothing but despair and destruction. He was afraid that she would show him the same fear that the Dalish did, and that was something that he was not willing to risk. 

Though, she might hate him just as equally he left on his own as soon as he regained his orb in order to do what had to be done. She would be angry, would probably search for him if she cared enough. It was hard to say what she would do, if she would be willing to let him go or not. She was a woman that had so many facetted that it was hard to evaluate her. But, he could imagine that she could be just as sad as she was angry at the given point, and he wasn’t even sure if he wouldn’t welcome to meet the end by her axe as soon as his duty was fulfilled.

Yet, that was a thought for another time, and he was determined to keep his distance for now, focusing on his studies instead until he was asked to accompany her on one of her tasks. And he couldn’t help but to appreciate the beauty of the emerald graves as they made their way through them. He let his eyes shift along the green tree tops and plants, let them stray towards the broken remains of the elven ruins that once stood proud above the ground and had fallen to rubble now. A sad sight when he thought of the way that they had stood proudly once. He remembered that he visited some of the places that he passed, the forest offering him as much peace now as it had back then. 

His eyes shifted to one of the Dreadwolf statues that offered a place for plants and ravens alike. Yet, the statues had not crumbled as much, and he couldn’t help but to feel a twinge of pain whenever they passed one, feeling as if his own gaze followed him again and again, not willing to leave him out of its sight. Nor did it cease to reminding him of his coming duty, and he needed to avert his eyes for a moment, shifting to Caelan who took the lead of their small group. 

Their eyes meet for a moment, showing that she just was yearning and craving for something too. Yearning and craving for someone even, and it was the first time that she looked at him so intensely in the past weeks. No one of them moved for a moment, their gazes locked for several heartbeats in a form of understanding. It felt almost as if she understood his thoughts completely without the need of hearing them, almost as if there was a connection between them that worked without any words. 

It was as odd as the calmness was that settled within him with a mere glance of her golden eyes, as if they were enough to soothe him and to take away the sadness. If he wouldn't’ have known it better, he would have almost said that it felt as if she cast a spell on him. A spell that lessened the ache in his heart before she made her way over to him, speaking to him softly compared to the warrior woman that slayed her enemies with ease usually. Yet, he couldn’t help but to smile at her, his gaze softening too before they lamented over the memories that these ruins might hold. 

And he knew that she was all up about to explore them with him as soon as they set up camp, no matter how often they had been reprimanded by the Seeker to vanish out of her sight right away. But by now, he couldn’t help but look forward to the night that would follow later. The night that they would spend close to each other, laughing and talking before they lost themselves in the other. Craving and yearning every single touch that they exchanged with each other within the protection of the wards that he usually placed.

And, it was by then that he realized that he was not able to escape that emotion. No matter how much he wanted to. 


End file.
